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Monday, November 29, 2010


So I guess our dream of home didn't last very long. Right now Thurston is at Dell PICU and is stable but still on very high oxygen of 15 liters comfort flow which is pretty much equivalent to Sipap/CPap but he can still be on a nasal cannula. He is on 20 ppm of nitric oxide which worked immediately to help bring him from satting in the 80s to satting in the 90s. They are doing all sorts of breathing treatments and changing around his medications.

Now to how it all happened....Well on Wednesday night our Nurse(yes we had no idea we were going to get home health care which is beyond fantastic, they set us up for 2 weeks at 16 hours a day and then to get reevaluated to see if we needed it beyond the two weeks unfortunately we didn't even make it 3 days ugh). Anyway, the nurse and I were trying to feed him and I stupidly tripped over his cannula cable which in turn tipped over his water humidifier which is hooked up to the oxygen concentrator and suddenly my poor son basically got a huge gigantic noseful and lungful of water, much like a neti pot but it was alot alot of water. He gagged and choked and desatted quite a bit during this event and I frrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaked way out. Thank goodness the nurse was there to attend to the situation and after about 5 minutes and lots of nose bulb suctioning we were able to get Thurston stable again. Well I thought about taking him to the hospital that night but he seemed to be satting great and not breathing bad and we happened to have an overnight nurse that night so I wasn't too worried. The next day was Thanksgiving and he was doing great, at 1 liter satting in the 90s and was calm and playful and smiley etc. Well the day nurse left and we did not have a night nurse(the first couple of nights we didn't have any nursing care and boy oh boy was that stressful...Thurston is on over 13 different medications delivered 4-6 times daily, 3 nebulizer treatments a day and 1 liter of oxygen on a cannula he continually tries and succeeds at taking off and so pretty much you HAVE to stay up all night no ifs ands or butts or Thurston would be in big trouble....basically what I am saying is we took the hospital home with us so the nursing care as we have found out is essential until Thurston can get down to a much lower flow of oxygen or even off of it all together...we also feed him by gtube but that is a piece of cake so if that is all he needed and maybe a few meds it would be no big deal but we just cant chance Thurston desatting, without oxygen he goes down hill extremely fast). Anyway, My mom was in town and she was rocking him and suddenly Thurston started choking gagging coughing and snorting and a ton of saliva and foam came out of his mouth. I grabbed Thurston and started to suction his mouth with the bulb syringe. He seemed fine but suddenly he started to desat. I had Chad put him on our tank oxygen that goes up to 5 liters(the oxygen compressor only goes up to 1 liter) and within 5 minutes we had him on 3 liters and he was still satting in the low 80s. I knew right then and there that he had aspirated so we called 911. This time though for some reason I didnt freak out too much and remained pretty level headed, I guess the adrenaline took over. We got to Dell and he was initially put in the intermediate care unit on 3 liters thinking that maybe he was only going to need a few days to recover. Then suddenly started desatting again and they changed him from low flow 3 liters to a comfort flow 6 liters...then 8 liters...then transferred him to the PICU and then up to 12 liters. Then Chad spent the night on Friday and he seemed to be stable, then I spent the night on Saturday and he just seemed to start going down hill. The doctor decided to put him nitric oxide as that is used for Pulmonary Hypertension. It worked pretty immediately and he was able to get back into the 90s in his saturation levels and they had the sipap machine on standby just in case. Today they put him up to 15 liters to see if that helped at all to bring his saturation level up to the high 90s but they have not seen any results yet. They really thought he would be getting better by now but his xrays look pretty bad so he could be in the hospital for quite some time, maybe even for a few more months. He could also suddenly start to improve and be home in a few weeks, no one really knows for sure.

Thank you for all of your love care and support. This process going on almost 9 months now(10 months if you count all the pre-pregnancy drama/bedrest stuff) is absolutely emotionally, physically, financially exhausting. The most exhausting part is how life threatening Thurstons Chronic lung disease is. This is about the 7th time he has had a close call. And every time your life comes to a halt. Literally you have to drop everything, bills, events, phone calls everything just grinds to a halt and then when things stabilize you are left with dust settling everywhere to try and sort through. I can deal with ongoing appointments, therapies, all of the things that I was working on in that short period of time he was home, but this constant constant crisis mode might just end up putting me into the crazy house. I just don't know how much more I can take really.

We have an appointment tomorrow with the palliative care team. Now before you freak out(believe me I freaked when I heard that) they actually deal with alot of things, not just when a person is dying. They help families who have chronic health issues and where they for see the patient and family being in the hospital for a long time(OK why then did we not see one a long time ago lol) Anyway, this will not be the last time Thurston will ride in an ambulance, nor the last time that he will be close to teetering on the cusp of life or death. My son is no longer a preemie. He has moved on and now is classified as chronically ill. I think I have been in denial for so long. I wanted him so much to just have those normal preemie issues but now I just have to face the facts that he has a very severe, life-threatening chronic illness and we need to adjust our attitudes and act accordingly. The good news though is that hopefully in a few years he will eventually grow if not out of his lung issues, but at least they will improve enough that he will have a better quality of life, because right now, he is absolutely miserable. Even on the 1 liter he is still not the happiest baby in town and being on 13 different medications also screws around with his body enough to where he absolutely feels the effects(nausea, dizziness, pain jitteryness etc). He also is still dealing with the most horrible incessant cough he has had since about july of this year which sometimes is so painful it makes him cry. There is a rare moment when he is not dealing with physical pain or discomfort. I wish there was something I could do to take it all away, but only time can do that.

I will update when I can but right now we are just taking it one day at a time. Also, I threw my phone on the ground in anger. I just got a bad phone call so I took it out on my phone. Needless to say I have lost every ones phone numbers so if you could text me(I have the same number) with your name and phone number so I can update it in my new phone that would be great. Thank you so much also to my mom who helped so much and who listened to my crazy rants, hugged me through my tears, and supported us through all of this and also to everyone who has donated so much time energy and money into the ongoing auction for Thurston especially to Melanie for all the work and dedication she has given to it. We couldn't be more appreciative to all of you for continually support us on this very long hard journey.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday or The flying monkeys return or follow the yellow brick road///.......

Yes those damn flying monkeys came swiftly and stealthily back and again have taken our sweet Thurston for another harrowing ride to go and see the wicked witch of the west.

Well we were only home for 4 days and Thurston we think aspirated on his own saliva and within minutes he went up to 3 liters. We called 911 and he was admitted and slowly but surely he had to be put back on high flow and he is now on 12 liters. I am a complete mess. I feel like it just keeps happening over and over again like we are on the yellow brick road except it just keeps winding around and around and around in circles never ever ending. I feel like not writing in my blog anymore and just telling everyone to keep rereading it from the beginning because we are in continual repeat mode. When will the nightmare end, I am not even upset that he had to go back to the hospital if it was just for something minor or non-life threatening but at this rate we are just not sure of his outcome. Please someone give me a damn bucket of water so I can kill that damn wicked witch once and for all. Please keep him in your prayers and thank you for all of your support.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

There's no place like home...There's no place like home...There's no place like home....

"Toto, I have a feeling wer'e not in Kansas anymore"

So from the title you can rightly assume that indeed, infact, unbelieveably yes our sweet Thurston is finally home. It has been a very long 260 days, 8 1/2 months, 37 weeks; as long as a full term pregnancy. Its hard for me to fathom that someone who got pregnant when Thurston was first born will be having their baby in the next week or two......I will write all about our experience much further in detail but right now I am just too exhausted in a very wonderful wonderful way but I wanted to leave you with this thought.....

I got to thinking about how this experience has felt very much like the journey that Dorthy went on in OZ. It very much felt like a tornado came and ripped my whole house up into the sky, knocking me out and swirling us into the air, landing in a very strange, dark and unknown world full of mystery and fear, dread and hope, tears of sorrow and of joy. And much like Dorthy, I have met many a Scarecrow, Tinman and Lion along the way as well as confronted scary moments of flying monkeys and witches, fell asleep among the poppies and faced Grand Wizards. And the whole time all I wanted was for our sweet boy to come home. So I donned a pair of ruby slippers, put my hair up in pigtails, closed my eyes and whispered those infamous words, ....and just like that, I awoke to have my sweet sweet boy sleeping in my arms, taking his first home bath, playing with sissy, looking up and seeing all of us together in our cozy home, and enjoying watching Thurston soak up his new environment and realizing that truly, there is just no place like home.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


My sweet Mamma's group is holding an auction for Thurston starting November 28th. If you would like to donate an item or a service we would so appreciate it. If you are donating a local service(San Diego, Austin, Columbus Oh etc) all you need to do is put the city in which the service is located in the bid, for example "this item is for Austin only". Thank you so much for all of your continued help and support. If you Have any questions feel free to email me. Thank you friends!!

click here for Thurston Auction


Monday, November 8, 2010

Happy 8 months Thurston!!!! and the best news yet!!!

So this has been an interesting couple of weeks. I dont even know where to begin. Thurston has been doing AMAZING!!!!!! The doctors last Monday decided to try him on low flow cannula. Last Monday they tried him on 2 liters.....then 1 and a half......then 1......then 3/4......then 1/2.......and that is where he is at today. We are all in amazement, shock, elation, and so many other insane feelings. Then the doctors pounced on us and said, "well it looks like this little kiddo is on his way....I cant even bare to say it doesnt sound real. Ok I will say it


Wow were we shocked. Seriously I thought we were going to try a sloooooooow wean. I thought maybe a couple more months...maybe he might be home before Christmas. But Thanksgiving.....I just didnt think that was going to happen. So we have been scrambling this week. Lots of information, lots of last minute testing. Lots of last minute training. Lots of last minute organizing. Wow its just happening so fast...I say that and yet it has been 8 months. As a matter of fact Thurston is 8 months old today(5 months adjusted), Happy Birthday sweet sweet boy. Cant even believe that this journey has been that long. Cant believe my sweet little boy has beat every single odd, fought tooth and nail to be here. He amazes me.

Today I walked up to the NICU with viola and the one thing that always made me sad when I saw others carrying theirs, not sad for those that got to leave but just sad that it wasnt us....yup that wonderful beautiful car seat. Ok so he wasnt leaving in it but I got to proudly put it in his room for them to do a carseat study. It doesnt even seem real. It felt like a dream that I have had a million times before.

I can barely even write this my thoughts are just bouncing all over the place. We dont know exactly when he will come home but they think it might be as early as next week, GULP.....We have so many ducks to get in a row before that happens...medications, oxygen tanks, medical supplies, cpr class, gtube stuff, doctors appointments set up, holy holy crap. I just cant even believe this is real. When my mind is not floating some where up in the nether regions I will write more but just wanted to let everyone know, that soon soon soon my boy will get to see his very first cat, smell his very first home cooked meal, feel his very first cool breeze on his face, take his very first bath with his sister, touch his very first leaf.....he has a whole world he has never ever explored, one we take for granted every day, the little nuances that make life fascinating, interesting, beautiful, intriguing, all the tiny tiny things that make up this great big beautiful world of ours, I am so thrilled that my sweet boy will finally get to absorb it all, drink it all in, and love every second of just makes life that much more sweet for all of us.

So I will write more later and also just wanted to thank everyone who has helped us along this journey. There are too too many people to thank and I will thank all of you personally one day in some way shape or form. We could not have done this without all of you, every single one of you. Thank you thank you thank you. And thank you for all of your votes too in this contest. It shows me how much this kid is loved, how many people are a part of his life, people I have never even met, people that have been routing for him every day. All of you amaze me to no end. We are so lucky to have so many wonderful human beings in my sons life. Will update very soon..... Love all of you!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 1, 2010

preemie contest

I will update after I hear from Thurstons doctor but wanted to let you know Thurston is in a preemie contest to help raise awareness of premature infants. You can vote once a day through November 11th. There are some amazing babies in this contest and each story is just beautiful and inspiring.

preemie photo contest

Have fun