I just never ever ever ever ever thought I would hear those words again, those words that I thought were behind us, those words that will cripple even the strongest of human beings, a doctor telling us yet again., "he might not make it". Yesterday they gave him a 50/50 chance, and just like that my sons fate is determined by the flip of a coin, heads or tails, its just anyones guess. I just cant believe we are back here again, but this time it is even worse. We have clocked in 5 and a half months with our baby. We have got to hold him, smell him, touch him, sing to him, read him books, rock him to sleep, breast/bottle feed him, look into his sweet little eyes, hear his beautiful little cry, adore his sweet little pout, and just love him silly. His little adorable personality has shone through; he likes it when one of the nurses plays him country music(much to my chagrin), he hates and spits out his formula but loves straight breast milk, he looks out of the corner of his eye when he is trying to sleep to make sure you are still there, he loves being held and screams when he is put down, he loves when you make goofy faces, he stares intently at you when you are talking to him about your day, he looks up through the blinds wondering what is beyond his little NICU world, he has everyone wrapped around his little finger and then some. As you can imagine we are truly devastated, and completely in shock as we just never thought we would be back in this horrible place, especially with as many strides as we have made, it is just plain unfair.
Fastforward to today, Sunday. Right now Thurston is still fighting off a bacteria gram negative bug(one of the most virulent strains) and has pneumonia . He is still in critical condition. He began having seizures a few days ago and they are not sure what is causing them. Could be any number of things, he has had a slight fever but nothing over 101 so could be febrile or could be something else. He has been on every medication, sedative, antibiotic, and now seizure medication. It is too much to list here. Right now my very good friends Janut and Jim are in town helping us out with Viola. Somehow they just came at the right time or I probably would be going insane. I am sure there are a million details left out. I will try to keep everyone updated but for right now he is still in critical but stable condition and they have been able to wean his oxygen settings a little bit but things just change too quickly for me to keep up with. Thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts and I just hope my little man has some fight left in him, and I hope I do too.