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Monday, March 8, 2010

welcome to the jungle....

So we all drove up to the hospital, my mother in law Patricia, my father in law Fred and my daughter Viola. I had called Chad and he was going to meet us up there. They checked us into labor and delivery, and hooked me up to all the monitors etc. At first it seemed like we might be OK and may just be able to buy a few weeks. No one was rushing around or acting crazy, so I thought, thank goodness we have family here to watch Viola as I thought I would be in the hospital for a while on bed rest. So the in laws and my daughter went home and Chad stayed with me. He was going to go back to work after a while as nothing seemed to be we thought......oh boy were we wrong............

Suddenly a doctor walked in, not my doctor but a different obgyn. She told me one of my obgyns was on vacation and the other one had just worked like 48 hours straight. She seemed frantic and told me that Thurston's heartbeat was all over the place and we really needed to get him out, but that was our decision. My obgyn then called me over the phone and gave us our options but said this was the game changer that we had been waiting for to determine whether or not we would take Thurston out(funny I never realized we were playing a game here). She said that she knows we were waiting to get to at least 28 weeks but she thought that a few days would not make a difference and she felt he would be better out of the womb then left in as he was in distress. UGH UGH and more UGH.

The other doctor seemed very frantic and kept saying whats your decision whats your decision.......Like it was a matter of life and death, and i guess according to all of them it was. I never trusted those damn NST(non stress tests) and I had reiterated to the doctors that on his ultrasound his heart was fine, just his flow was bad again(they had told me once it reversed that is when we should get him out so now i was all over confused)

The pressure the pressure.......OK OK get him out. Seriously, just like that, just like on TV, it happened so fast. The anesthesiologist came in. Because I had been taking Lovenox, a blood thinner, they thought I should be put under for the c-section because I could bleed to death if I had a spinal. I had been pretty much just over 24 hours but the doc said she didn't want to take any chances. The anesthesiologist had other thoughts. In the middle of the hallway, he was trying to convince us to have a spinal because I had eaten breakfast and he thought I might aspirate to death if I went under....what the hell is going on here, either I could die from bleeding to death or aspiration hmm decisions decisions ugh....then the doc comes out to the hallway, pissed off as all hell and says, what the hell is going on here, I am all scrubbed up and ready to get this kid out.....the anesthesiologist and her have a few choice words. I'm swirling, like its some kind of crazy nightmare I cant wake up from.......she tells him that I was going under, lets go....they wheel me down the hallway, the lights going by one by one above me, my mind following in tandem, then into the operating room....Chad didn't realize that he couldn't go into the room if they put me under and everything just happened so fast. I had told him how sorry I was, how I didn't mean to put him through so much hell. Tell Viola I love her and she has meant the world to me, I really thought I wasn't going to make it.........suddenly they were shaving my pubic hair, pinning my arms down, putting a mask over my face, I struggled and told them I couldn't breathe, and then..........I awoke with Chad leaning over me in a corner of a large hospital room. It was over. Did he make it Chad? Is he OK. What the hell just happened?, where are we?, what is my name?, is this all just a bad dream?................

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