One Hundred Days of Solitude..........

Gabriel Garcia Marquez once wrote:

“...human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but...life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”

It has now been 100 days in the NICU.......and Thurston has definitely re-birthed himself a 100 times over, everyday, emerging from his journey there, stronger, and more durable. It truly has been a surreal period of time for all of us.
If it were not for my daughter Viola, and of course my hubby Chad, I think I would have gone crazy by now. The NICU is a very strange place for any parent, but for me it is the antithesis of every parenting belief inherent deep within my soul.

When Viola was born, she was very coll icky. We were extremely frustrated parents and it killed me to know that my baby was in pain. She would not go in the stroller, car seat, baby swing, you name it. She would not let us put her down for two seconds. We had a few sleepless nights until I decided to just sleep with her in my arms, with pillows supporting us......that night, we all slept like babies,and after about 3 months, when her colic disappeared we were able to lay her next to us in bed where she has remained ever since. I pretty much breastfed her on demand as well and let her decide when she was ready to wean. I realized after meeting like-minded peeps that I am an AP parent, or attachment parent. I allow the child to lead and tell me what she needs. Most attachment parenting involves one or more of the following.....natural birthing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding European styling, NON-crying it outing, baby-wearing, organic-buying, cloth-diapering, tree-hugging, nature-loving, recycling, back to the basics mentality. Let me tell you, the NICU is the EXACT opposite of how I want to parent, and there is no one to blame for this, it is what it is and they have taken excellent care of my baby(saved his life as a matter of fact) but nonetheless, it does make me cringe when I think of how divergent it is with my own parental philosophy.
For instance
-Natural birthing....well that one flew right out the window didn't it!!!!
-My son has slept in an incubator, and now a crib, by himself, away from Mommy and Daddy and Sissy...........we finally got him a glo-worm so he could co-sleep with something!
-He does "cry it out", not anyones fault, but there isn't always someone there to pick him up and nurture him when he cries...wish I could be there 24/7
-He is getting 70 percent formula and other additives that are probably not organic, and only 30 percent of my breast milk, through an NG tube, again, not anyones fault, he really does need to grow, but again, UGH!
-Um the breast pumping is pretty much de-tached parenting at its best!!!!!
-He soon will be bottle-fed, again, a must before he can go home, which kills me because they wont let me try and nurse him exclusively, but they need to know exactly how much he is getting, and if he can master suck, swallow breathe.....
-He of course wears disposable diapers, which I have used on and off with Viola, but am happy to say I am back to using cloth......its been a long 5 months...

So my sweet boy has endured a 100 days of solitude, detached from his parents in so many ways......yes he has docs, nurses, RT's, Ot's, and just about everyone in between, but he is still alone in his little bed, waiting for us to scoop him up and take him and his glo-worm home.