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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This is the end.....How to disappear completely: Part 2

It was beginning to be about mid afternoon and Chad and I finally decided that we would go home and wait for Thurston to pass away. We actually both felt good about our decision. Obviously we were not happy, but we did not want to have any regrets. The doctors stressed to us as well that we both need to be on the same page because if we were not, it could cause great hardship in the future for our marriage. Thank god we were both on the same page. Then, finally my obgyn came in. She sat down and before she said anything I had told her that we decided not to have the induction, and that we would just wait for him to pass away. She told us she couldnt be happier with our decision because we wouldnt have been able to do the induction anyway. She said that all of the doctors and administrators had to sign off for us to have the induction and there was one hold out..........the neonatologist. Suddenly, dr. Mcormick came in. She is a doctor in the NICU and was going to explain to us why she would not sign off on the form. We told her we had decided not to go through it anyway, and she looked relieved too. She said that we were right on the cusp of 24 weeks which is a point of viablitiy for a baby and a cut off to have an abortion(again I hate that word because I just never thought that that is what it was). Although, earlier, another neonatologist came in and gave Chad and I the statistics of a 24 weekers chances(which are grimmer than grim) and that because Thurston was more like a 21 weeker, that if we had a c-section to get him out at this point he would probably not make it....they didnt make tubes small enough for him, and even if he did he would most likely have extreme severe disabilities. Anyway, we decided to go home, to grieve, and we made an appointment for Friday, two days later, to see if his heart had stopped beating yet. I convinced them to give me the second steroid shot anyway, even though it seemed futile(to everyone but me) as I figured, well it cant hurt but just in case, just in case that 10 million chances to one that somehow he holds on I know that we did everything we could to help him once he came out......................

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